Well, not sure if chaos falls into my ‘adore’ column, but let me share this:
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| comfort – given and accepted |
I have been sitting on my sofa for far too long, but today for at least 3 hours Hali has been besides me. Leaning up against my leg, curling behind my bent legs, setting her head upon my leg – all the really really good things pups can do.
It’s been quite wonderful really. I’d have to say it’s been a medicinal-level of snuggles today.
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| Hali seems to really appreciate a blanketing |
My Boo-licious is off enjoying a cruise with her girls, I’m holding down the fort, and though I find myself pondering soooo much as I wander the yard with the pup, watching the trees shed their colorful confetti, listening to the squirells get busy scouring the land for their hidden treasures, I’m more than a tad sad.
I’m trying to figure out if I’ll craft a missive to the valiant men and women who serve our country proudly in the armed forces – for they deserve so much more than a few words one day out of the year (say, food stamps in the great dismal state of North Carolina) a fortnight before Thanksgivukkah – but I’m not so much in tune with this sentiment this year.
I’m pretty much trying to not look into the abyss where I find myself standing, hovering above.
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| Hali’s not happy with all the snapshots |
I focus on the warmth against my leg. The micro-tremors as Hali takes off after the bunnies, chasing them as fast as she can in her dreams. I stare at the flickering images, trying to find a shinier version of the ‘meh, whatever’ apathay that has claimed me this week. this month. this year.
I’m prideful of heating pasta while lending a hand to our friends, while hiding from these very same awesome people, becasue I’m sure I do not have what it takes to present to anyone a respectful version of ‘friend’ … very much hollowed out I am.
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| Blankets are a good defence |
I’m doing fine. I’m broken into so many pieces – please be still and do not look at me, for even a glance may make the pieces fall into the abyss. I’ll be ok, just need a few moments to pull myself together, that’s all.
it’s not tomorrow, but I have very little hope of my ability to perform at all. I turn my mind’s eye away quickly, quietly towards something – anything – else. It’s a skill I’ve perfected, though to what cost I have no idea.
“we are not alone in this world we built for us”
I sit on the steps to our Hobbit House, allowing Hali to figure out if she’d like to venture into the yard to do her business, hassle the wildlife, count the leafs still on trees. I sit on the stoop and listen to the world go by – today it’s been very quite, kinda nice really.
Tomorrow I fear the noise. Tomorrow I fear my memories. Tomorrow I will be sad.
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| shaky but filled with portent |
Chaos hits hard. Chaos has tripped me up for quite a long time. Chaos is the nature of the universe, so I’m not angry, just upset. Just unsettled. I expect to fall over, like a top running out of spin.
… and then get up and give it another twirl.
“Keep Calm and Carry On” or “Keep Calm … and Cupcakes!”
{{10:12p +11Nov2013 = Monday eve || just a spat of silence in an otherwise yappy dog day}}