Even in October …
The wind batters the sky, rain falls, ceaselessly, the ground no longer dry, the night a dark and stormy one.
I’m in a tumultuous place – I have people close to me who have been battered for months now, no end in sight. Choices made, decisions to do something other than what they started to do – you know, how things change.
The seasons change -the dry becomes wet, wet feeds a new life, a prairie floor is carved into something spectacular by a little bit of water and a lot of time; how about a surge of floodwaters changing the course of a friends life such that they must keep their ship upright, not taking on water, no matter where the winds take them?
I want to name names – I want to call names. I am angry that the pettiness and vicious vindictiveness is allowed to blossom in a system that seems rigged to the highest bidder, the biggest bully, the shittiest asshole.
I look from the shore and weep inside – I have no power over the winds, the raging torrents, the clouded sun.
I have hope. I have love. I have a belief, faltering as it may be, that in the moments coming the right thing will happen. That fact and truth will surmount braggadocio and unbridled narcissism. I haven’t read the script – I hope John doesn’t die in the end.
A few things have crashed upon my mind and soul as I have stewed in my own juices as to what to do – how to do it – who to have it done by.
Earlier this week was a Mutts’ Daily Quote – Conscious noting that “Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.”
That crossed path with Mark Morford’s words today, speaking to the gun fetishists’ love of the cold steel: “All illusions of power and machismo vaporize, leaving only the base energies of hate and fear they often don’t understand, much less know how to transmute into something like kindness and love.”
Do they have beauty, and I just can’t see it? How do I transmute my base energies into kindness and love for them?
I’m at a loss, frankly.
I read their electronic snippets, hear the righteous indignation in their proffered stances. Such chaos and mania and serious concerns of their grasp of reality – perhaps my grasp of reality is the faulty one, eh?
I am conflicted and confused. I have umbrage with the people, their choices, their seemingly single-minded mission to fuck up the lives of my friends. Yet that is not my path… my path is that of friend. I am mightily conflicted and confused.
 |
| looking for silver linings in durhamtown c.2015 |
Even in October.