//11:28a + 5 May ’21 = Wednesday || Gabriel spun a lovely cover – Meklit Hadero singing “Feeling Good”, pretty sure a Simone cover//
Here’s to feeling the feels, knowing there’s love in the world. Never nice to feel the sads, but they are part of the whole – it’s good to be reminded that there are edges/facets that might not come into focus for quite some time, but that certainly doesn’t remove them from reality.
/|Sat 05 Jun 2021 @12:02| – so here we are, a different day, different month. I just touched up my May/June 4th entry, where-in I kinda loose my mind, let loose the rage my heart feels when I find out about a child being hurt.
There’s a bit of cliche that goes like this – ‘I had an ok childhood – I mean, they didn’t beat me…’. It’s a cliche/easy to share phrase I’ve used. I grew up in a small town in upstate new york/southern canada and I had an ok childhood. But … I now hold some wisdom that allows me to re-visit that assessment. Good news – I wasn’t beaten. I was loved. I had some amazing adults in my life, and I miss the ones who aren’t here anymore.
My mom was an only child, and she was very much loved and adored by her pop. I’m sure here mom loved her too, I just never met her.
ha ha ha – I think that’s a coffee and a cig and a lovely ashtray (vices often have the neatest accessories) and can’t tell if I’m holding onto the pack of smokes or the lighter … ah, those were the days!!
With time – and probably just as importantly experience – I now hold a more nuanced opinion, a slightly more detailed (though oddly, acquiring new details can sometimes render some of the clearest parts of you memory all sorts of fuzzy and unclear. Ah the brain – everybody should have one!) picture of Mom, who she was, who she was to me and mine.
Without knowing the ‘truth’ will the endless struggle to maintain be seen as resilience? or stubbornness? or a failure of imagination/drive? an actual character flaw??!!! Of course that’s probably for someone outside of my brain to determine, just as I choose to determine that Mom had focus on maintaining a good place, and I think she did alright with that. Well, ‘cept that time she was addicted to Asteroids – those were dark times!
Miss ya. this stage is such a wonderment to me. thankfully my anxiety gives me the companion with whom to chat. I prefer our chats, though. I hope I bring such fascination when I come to chat with my son.