Even in January: search for answers, feel bad for mistakes, learn how to cope …

grand prize winning festive lighting for framily – check!

How to cope better was integral to last nights chat, since the minor epiphany was that – Hey – we’re actually all coping at this very moment!! – just, we’d like to cope better.

Some have great ways of coping …

sometimes a warm sweater is needed

Others, well … not so much. If it was – and this is also the biting truth – only them who had to face the consequences of their poor coping skills, well – boo-hoo for them. But it’s not. Perhaps part much experience and a little dash of wisdom, but it turns out things just may all be interconnected, impact transfers energy.

Of course, keep you head up, look up – look to this day.

my mind is a clear blue sky, clouds float in, clouds float out…

There’s been this current of bad mojo, of repeated mea culpas of ‘So sorry, I wasn’t right. It won’t happen again’ when bad behavior is noted (the impact at times hurtful and tragic) and called out.

oh – guess what? I am at fault of this shitty behavior as anyone. I do it to the ones who are closest and most loved.

I’m not sure why, but I’m pretty sure I know I need to work on it – certain positive changes have happened in the past few years, such as my ability to traverse the crazy streets of San Triangle with a reduced level of murderous rage, thanks in part to my boy doctor Peter and his guiding hand.

But I hold no malice in my heart for individuals. No scheme to demean and demoralize my family and friends. It happens and I’m frustrated by it, by where I am, my inability to find a way to “better” – and boy do I use the numerous first world problems I sink my teeth into vs. actually coming up with better ways to deal with my challenges, to cope.

In my realm, though, as it has increased in tenor and tenacity over the same few years, there’s been a very loud ‘hey, don’t call me out on that – it was (enter excuse here – traumatic times, I felt threatened, I felt out of control, you don’t like me, you are out to hurt/steal/destroy me, you’re ready to not try …) – and it all sucks sooooo much.

sometimes you’re the cat, sometimes you’re the box

That photo above is from a time of much chaos and strife in my life. Seems it took only about a decade for me to see what it all was. Even now, lo these many many many days and nights later, I don’t think I know what actually was wrong, or what should have happened – it was all quite crazy.

At that time, the person who I was, the available reach to who I could be, all that didn’t mesh with what was happening. I didn’t have the words, the wisdom, the intelligence or the courage to say ‘help – it’s not working and I don’t know why’; and if I had had any of that, would I have been able to accept the only two choices any of us ever truly really have – stay or go? Who knows, the past being behind us. Thankfully, muddling through all of that with stubborn ignorance and impotent rage was easy; I’ve got that skill set handled!!!

We’ve been using bully in our conversations. Know what sucks? It may be better to go to the more appropriate language of “abusive” – and that’s fucked up..

“An abusive individual rarely takes responsibility for any negative situation they may cause” – well, yeah – I’ve seen that recently. As such, how do you deal with them when you HAVE to deal with them? There’s no choice to go – you have to stay. Suggestions?

The whole “Use non-emotive language and stick closely to the facts.”, or the “do not engage the bully”, and the “‘Bullies want power and control over you because they lack it in some aspect of their own lives.” – all of these are great points, valid strategy

But here’s the rub – what if you have to deal with them? Doesn’t it at some point become an urgent point of action to make them stop, make them get help?

Thankfully we left that place of much stress, and gathered ourselves into our own place…

a place of our own, a place to grow … hollywood circa ’03

Growing allows you to work what you’ve learned into how you cope and deal. Growing allows for the fixing of bad ways and building / learning new ways.