From a canyon to a noticeable dip, oddly in October

|Sat 21 Oct 2023 @20:13| – keXp spins Jose’s (and Knife’s) Heartbeats when I finally sat down tonight

So the other week the kiddo was off from school (first grader. whoa!) and Blood wanted to see him, and plans became actions and we re-visited the coast of North Carolina, last dipping our collective toes there about 10 years back. ‘Coastal Escape’ we called it; planned it with Google Wave (!!!!) – oh how young we were.

Things have changed a bit. Not our love. Not our loss. Perhaps our sadness isn’t as raw, our devastation not as severe as in years past. At least it seems that way – I concede that I have a wonderful distraction – suspect you’d like him a bit, possibly a lot. Suspect you’d see the timeless circle coming around for your boy, now a bigger boy, grappling with the challenges and joys and pains of parenting. Blood perhaps the wiser twin, once again.

I stepped back to prior posts – wow – I could string together a few words I tell ya. Have you heard me say the things I say to you Ma? Well, I hope you’ve heard. Rumbly and I visited your headstone earlier this year, a partial introduction – he’s of that stage where concepts that will be hard to handle are being shown, pointed out. Always a show for him to see, it seems.

And so it all goes – some days are great and wonderful, sometimes Blood and I are at the ocean watching a stunning sunset with you on our minds. Some days are grueling family chores and grind – again, in times of reflection I’ll see the echoes of homes long left – as I ponder a new sleeping setup for Rumbly I think, huh – perhaps the entrance-way, a la Hayes Road? Or a loft bed in an alcove, a la Mosley? Certainly you always kept me safe and warm and fed and clothed – and now I get to play the game to the best of my ability, in a world of definite chaos. Sigh. the circle goes on and on and on.

I’m excited, actually, to be in the window of Rumbly understanding about those who are not with us anymore – I glance up at the Wal-Par circus wagons and smile – oh to tell the tales of who brought me along to my path, and how those before have given such gifts. Perhaps that’s what these missives are – a long overdue thank you note – for so much, so so much. Love ya Ma. Miss ya. Keep those awe inspiring (soul lifting) sunsets coming, alright?

:scott: